Reignhart No, Dude, I Don't Know Who The Fuck Foghat Is

"Slow Ride?" Was Benton talking about like grandpa music? He texted back a list of pejoratives we've long considered as a society unacceptable, and then put his phone in his pocket. Benton was so behind, dude. Even if his Dad was like some fucking firefighter hero or some shit. That dude's life was laaaaaame.

Or at least, Chad certainly thought so.

Chadhammer 40k was out on a jog to start the day with some energy. Plus ladies liked dudes who jogged, he read on Reddit three weeks ago. In an NSFW sub.

The Chaddening by M. Night Shyamalan wore jeans and a work out top. He quickly learned in his life of lax luxury what a stupid fucking idea that was. Chad was a lot of things, and a quitter was one of them. So he found himself out of breath in the foggy air and sitting on a nearby bus stop bench. He pitied suckers who had to ride the bus. Chad pitied a lot of people. Benton replied with a link to the song which Chad proceeded to play out loud of his phone.

For a few seconds he would be seen tapping his foot and bobbing his head. For about a minute he would be seen and heard listening to the song. Despite all this, Chad still came out swinging.

"This shit fucking sucks!"

Fit Caleb thoughts don't reflect my own, he's a tool. Thank you.

---

If there was one thing that Caleb could appreciate it was good music taste, and clearly this wasn't it because this wasn't some good wholesome American rock music. This was that UK bullshit that they constantly tried to shovel down their throats. So, when the man at the bench just a few feet away screeched his own opinion as fact, Caleb raised his own paper bag of alcohol into the air with a "hell yeah brother!"

Staggered his way closer smelling like he hadn't showered in days, because he hadn't. Owning a bar hadn't made hygiene any more important for the man, and with Beth's last visit just having happened last week. Well, Caleb had full reign on what he wanted to do with his life, and drinking away day and night was exactly what he would be doing.

Todays beverage of choice, heh, Johnnie Walker of course!

"We have Pink Floyd, AC/DC, Aerosmith." Just a few of the greats, "who needs Beetles or Foghat when you got those?" Let it be known, he'd listened to it all growing up, but drunken brain was struggling to understand how he knew these names.

Chad had not been prepared for anyone to respond to his opinions being belted out loud. Nor was he ever. So the magically tall gentleman found himself jumping at the sound and his phone slipped from his hands and hit the ground.

"Fuck, dude! You scared the shit out of me!" He admitted admittedly.

He stood up to pick his phone back up and felt the jiggle in his legs. Mind you, this was probably like a ten minute jog, but he didn't have proper form or shoes. (ask ghost orchid. how he knows) When he stood back up he looked slack jawed at the homeless dude who had yelled at him.

"Hey bro, I don't have any change."

Caleb watched the phone clatter to the ground, nose crinkling with audible sniff as he brought the bottle back to his lips. No words for the first comment, but many thoughts for the second as looked up from those wobbling legs and squinted into the face of a man that had offended.

”Whadda mean change?” He questioned, appalled. ”I’ll have ya know, I’m reputable business owner now, an’ I don’t need chaaaange.” Took his own wobbly step forward, ”got it?”

Cash though, he could always use that.

Chadsicle squinted his eyes at the guy. He had a brown paper bag, a bottle sticking out of it, and he smelled like a dumpster. He was probably just in a drunken fugue state. That was something Chad knew very well. Chad pointed a finger at Caleb, with little respect for his own arm length.

”No, dude, you’re a poor person.” He was just pointing at Caleb and judging him openly. He is beauty, he is grace.

The finger jutted towards him, looked like it had come a lot faster than it really had as his brain struggled to keep up with everything that was happening around him. A lip curled in disgust and he squinted even further at the man as he jerked his own hand outwards, the one free of the bottle as that was currently back at his lips.

"No." Firmly said as his hand gave a shake. "Business. Owner." Clearly he needed to speak slower for this guy to understand.

"An' more money than you'll ever see in yer life, kid."

This guys must be on those bath salts stuff. Which was exactly how Chad said that to himself in his head. Grammar was like like a plant that Chad once bought to have ladies think his room was sensitive and stuff. Then that plant died. After 0 women had slept with him. He still couldn’t seem to figure out why.

But he knew people with money. Him that people! Chadzilla 2000 was getting a bit of a headache that this guy couldn’t figure this out. Chad knew he was homeless. He smelled like pee-pee!

”Ohhhh okay dude yeah.” Chad knew what was happening. He had this shit in the bag. ”You’re like one of them Patagonia liars.”

Pathological was a hard word.

Patagonia?!

Caleb didn't know what this meant, but he'd assume that he was being insulted, because everything coming out of this kids mouth was an insult. Dropped his hand to his wallet, and started pulling out the cash within it.

A whopping forty bucks in the form of two twenty dollar bills.

"MONEY!!!"

Who gave this homeless dude so much money? He was just gonna spend it on booze. I mean, that's what Chad was gonna spend his money on, but Chad also took care of other stuff. Like buying cheeseburgers and concert tickets.

"Gooooood!" Chadley Cooper said in an elongated, patronizing tone. He knew how to help this poor guy. Chad was so good. He was gonna help someone today!

"There's a bus that comes here. Buuuussss Sttooooppp." Chad talked to him as if he didn't understand English very well.

"You can use that-" He pointed at the money "To take a shower at a truck stop. Shoooooowwwweerrrr."

Why was he talking like that? Caleb drew back a step, bills crumbling within his fist as he looked the man over with open confusion. The fuck sort of shit was he on... And where the hell could he get some?!

"Bus stop an' shower code for something?" Caleb would counter, bills found their way into his pocket rather than his wallet. "What sorta shit you on? I want in!"

Best that the kid wasn't stingy with it, because there was no way that Caleb was letting this go.

Code? Chad couldn't even match his outfits correctly, let alone create an elaborate cypher for dealing. But Chad did like drugs. Weed and party drugs, mostly.

That's not why he came out today, though. He was on a jog. Because women fucked joggers. And Chad wanted women to fuck him. Which they currently were not doing. In fact, he didn't seem to even have many friends who were women. Chad couldn't figure out why that was.

"Me?!" He retorted, offended, and as if there was someone else that Caleb could be addressing. He scoffed and pointed a thumb at his own chest.

"Runner's high, man. I don't need that shit." He lied.

The fuck was a runners high? And if he was taking a drug, why the hell was he following it up with 'I don't need that shit'... The showers?

Huh?

Caleb was lost, clearly, but this was nothing new, and he wouldn't register it as such either. Caleb was a confident man, and when he knew something. He knew it, and he knew that this man had the good shit, and was currently hiding it from him.

Fucking sucked, but... Caleb had magic on his side.

Eyes pulled silver as he looked to the phone. Couldn't really think of what else to steal, but people got finnicky when it came to phones and maybe a light scare would get him confessing! Magic pulled for the phone, and soon, Caleb would have the boys phone in hand as his quickly made its way over to replace what was taken.

"Aw shit." The only words Caleb could offer as he noted the disappearance of his phone, eyes widening.

How could he threaten now?!

Unfortunately for Caleb it wasn't very effective! Chad was a dumb piece of work. Mental magic wasn't something that could affect someone who had already decided what was happening, Mr. Norvane.

Chad stared slack jawed as if nothing had happened, because to him, nothing had.

"Bro." Chadberry shook his head in total fucking confusion. "You need like a hospital or something."

Dumb asshole didn't know what had happened, which was perfect except...

His phone had been moved over to the other guy, and so... He really needed that back. He had all his employee numbers on there, and Beth's social worker lady and Liv so... Eyes flashed silver a second time and he did his best to summon it back to him.

Hopefully he'd lose pocket lint or some shit this time.

Phone returned, only for his bagged whiskey to take it's place on the other man, and truly there was no greater crime.

---

Caleb got his phone back, but whiskey is now on Chad, you can have it appear where ever however :3

It wasn't until the crinkled brown bag was now in his hand that he could piece together what the fuck was happening. This dude was like that one dude from the cemetery. He was a fucking freak!

Caleb held both phones in his hand and Chad felt fear rise up in his throat. He had tried to ignore and forget the encounters he's had with the supernatural. Out of sight out of mind. But here it was again, in broad daylight this time. Chadlem's eyes bulged from his head as he pointed at the homeless monster.

"WITCH!" He yelled in total panic as he lobbed the bottle of whiskey at the man's head.

---

MISS

Caleb was really good at stumbling out of the way of things, he'd had a punch thrown at him on multiple occasions, so when the whiskey came flying towards him, Caleb's body moved on instinct.

Which was very unfortunate given he would have rather been hit by the bottle rather than watch it shatter against the ground.

Glass shattered, and the precious liquid poured onto the pavement.

"MY WHISKEY!?!" He cried out, offense filling his tone as rage quickly filled him. "What the FUCK!!!" And he'd move to shove the idiot to the ground.

---

Hit

Chad felt like a Mel Gibson character. Specifically The Patriot. Because he was gonna beat the fuck out of a witch today. That made him a hero.

Yeah, Chad was a hero!

Then he got pushed backwards. The Goliath wannabe found himself tumbling towards the ground, creating a reason for the saying 'the bigger they are, the harder they fall'. But Chad's heroics had only just begun.

"FUCK YOU, DUDE!" He shouted as he grabbed Caleb's shirt and pulled him to the ground with him before he fell completely.

---

HIT

Was it his own feet, or the tug of his clothes that had him falling towards the ground now? Caleb wasn't entirely sure, but even with alcohol coursing through his system made damn sure he could do nothing to resist it. Fell face forward onto the concrete, felt his nose crack against the pavement and blood immediately dribble it's way down.

"Gyaaah," was his dignified response as he forced himself up into a kneel, and immediately went invisible.

Only, the blood dripping onto the pavement could still be seen, and the stench of a dirty man could still be smelt.

Chad would have felt victorious from this had he had the ability to focus on anything except the stars in his eyes. His head was the first thing to hit the concrete, rattling that poor, handcrank powered brain of his. No serious damage, but an immediate daze from the falling damage.

Similarly he let out a "Behhhh." from the blow. Two poets in motion.

Chad would slowly try and get up, struggling to see correctly even without invisibility at play.

---

STUNNED 1 ROUND

The man stood, and Caleb didn't much like kneeling before another man, preferred the positions to be switched. And genders.

Scrambled backwards a bit, forcing himself to stand even as his legs wobbled in uncertainty, rubbed an arm roughly below his nose and winced for the pain it brought.

What now?

Stumbled back another step, he had the dudes phone still... He could just get in touch with the dudes contact. Get the drugs himself...

It was the least of what he was owed for the alcohol that had been lost.

Chad’s heroic detective abilities didn’t go into the realm of knowing what to do if a man completely vanished from sight in the blink of an eye. He was still hazy from the fall and searching frantically for the man who had stolen his phone. That thing was expensive! And had a ton of porn on it!

”Huh?! What!?” He said frantically as he looked around for any semblance of the guy but saw only blood and whiskey on the ground.

”Whered you go?! Give me my phone back you fucking cock goblin!”

A COCK GOBLIN!?

The rage was pretty immediate, because while Caleb was pretty used to getting called an array of different slurs and names. He'd never been called this one before, and the dude had been a total asshat by not giving him a contact or the drugs themselves and he'd spilled his alcohol everywhere!!

It was enough to have Caleb teetering close to violence.

No, not close, towards.

A leg shot out towards the giant's shin as all feeling faded from his skin.

And then he'd be skirting around towards the other side of the man, because he'd just given his spot away!

---

HIT

Lost the sense of touch for 14 minutes!

"OW! FUCK!" Chad felt bruising instantly from the blow. But he had no idea what hit him even still. To him, the man was gone.

There was only one.

Ghost Combat.

The witch was sending his ghost army to handle Chad because he couldn't have done it himself. He was hopping around on his leg as he started to swing at seemingly nothing.

"CALL OFF YOUR MINIONS, FUCK KNUCKLE!"

The kick was satisfying, and the man's confusion and anger even more so.

He gotten what he wanted, plus some, and so with his ego sated, Caleb would make a mad dash in the opposite direction of the man. Steps would likely be heard, but Caleb would book it with all his drunken speed.

Which wasn't the fastest, but perhaps fast enough!

See ya SUCKER!!

Chad couldn't figure out where the witch or his ghosts had gone. Now, yelling like a caveman, there was the inevitability of defeat. He could not accept that the supernatural had fucked him over again. It reminded him of his encounter. The one he couldn't remember. The one he wouldn't let himself remember. The frustration of it all forming tears in his lids. He could let out a primal call to warn his fellow normal humans

"GHWAAGAAAAAAA!" A frustrated scream. Anger and sadness in his throat. "A WITCH STOLE MY FUCKING PHOOOOOONE!"