The Drunk Poet dungeons and double dates

fit!

---

DOUBLE DATE! AHHHHHHH! There was such beautiful whimsy in activities like this. Simple, not supernatural, just Xena and the girl she liked and a couple other humans being nerds.

Bree and Xena, and Harper and Fred. Harper was the mutual friend, Fred was a mystery. A game maker, a good game maker, so he had to be at least a little bit cool! They were all cool, cause they'd all agreed to this geek ass idea. Only cool freaks did that. :coolguy sunglasses emoji:

Xe and Bree got there first to check in to the rented room, a little nook upstairs with bean bags and a low table. Perfect size for cards or a board, whatever they needed. She flopped on a bright red beanbag and kneaded her fingertips into its pudge.

"What're the odds Fred's like 40?" She shot her GIRLFRIEND a cheesy grin, tone low.

Fit

---

Ummm sorry but her GIRLFRIEND was the hottest nerd in existence.

A day of board games in this room that gave attic vibes? That gave 'sneaking upstairs past bedtime to read nerdass comic books under the blanket' vibes? That made her just wanna makeout with her hot nerd girlfriend right the fuck now and did they REALLY need to double date? No, they did. Harper was fucking great. Fred was probably great too because Harper seemed like a woman of exceptional taste but it was also very fun to read this poor bastard they hadn't met yet.

She'd brought games nefariously thefted from Aunt Lois! Hues & Cues! Codenames! Betrayal at House on the Hill! And...if they wanted to make their relationships crumble to dust: Risk.

"Imma say 60. 60 at LEAST. Bonus points if he drives a Porsche and wears a pocket square."

Look

---

Hey, you know who was excited?! Harper Swann! It felt good to make new contacts in the area and not only that but entertain the idea of a double date with Fred??? Hell. Yes. !!!

She wondered if he was nervous as they arrived just outside The Drunk Poet. Harper still had to meet his dad but that would come soon! In the meantime, they were in for a real treat! Games and drinks with some lovely ladies!

She smiled at him after parking the car, having picked him up first before heading to the cafe. Captain Wendell was at home, of course. Which was sad but Harper would get over it.

She reached for Fred's hand once they were both on the sidewalk and gave it a light squeeze before stepping foot inside the cafe with her not-60-year-old boyfriend.

"I think we have a room for ourselves upstairs?" She chuckled and would lead him there. Had a peek inside one of the rooms and grinned at both of the familiar faces.

"Hiiiii! Xena, Bree - this is Fred!" No wasting time in introductions here. Also everyone looked amazing.

Usual tweed jacket and too-short trousers, plus this tie

---

Last night he dreamed of dog pirates. Little dogs in little pirate hats with little swords swarmed him, demanding treats and threatening to gnaw off his legs if he denied them. The leader mocked his seasickness while the others sang shanties in Welsh and pissed all over the poop deck. He woke up in a cold sweat, having (mercifully) not pissed his own bed.

Clearly, Fred needed to get out of the house.

Right! Ah! Today was the day he was meeting more strange women! Strangers, who were women. Uh. Not that the woman holding his hand was strange—did the 'more' imply she was? She was not! She was very exceptional in all things and frankly the only thing that still bewildered him about Harper was that she continued to respond to his texts.

His toes were neatly trimmed, not that anyone could see them at present.

He squeezed her hand back and let her up the stairs first because those heels looked treacherous and he wouldn't mind being squashed if it meant breaking Harper's fall. He had yet to be introduced to the phrase 'step on me, mommy', but there we go.

Christ. This place was nice.

"Christ. This place is nice."

Up they went! Strange women!

He proffered a wave, which became a back o' the head scratch. "Xena. Bree." Dutifully repeating names so they wouldn't vanish from his skull. "Fred." A little point to himself. "Alright?"

Xena laughed and nodded her agreement, then paused, "Wait 60 like 60% or 60 like you think he's—" NO WAIT THAT WAS FOOTSTEPS. Thank you vampire hearing. "SHSHSHHS," she giggled and playfully swatted Bree's arm, as if she'd started to conversation in the first place.

Oh also, did she mention her date looked really hot? Sorry, her GIRLFRIEND looked really hot. Crazy, that she was so lucky and shit :)

Harper looked hot too! And Fred looked... not 60! What a fucking nerd, Xe loved it. She pushed herself up off her bean bag and shuffled over towards the familiar face and the boyfriend, arms open to offer hugs.

"Harperrrr! You look like an angel what the fuck," then to her boy, "and you're ADORABLE Fred, nice to meet you!"

"Like bro is definitely 60 years of—"

One swat from Xena was all it took to shut her ass up. Sometimes it felt like she absorbed supernatural senses through osmosis. Like a squishy queer sponge.

SWOON, Harper. Holy fuckeroo. Hugs for Bree too, please! Dancing over to the new arrivals and giving Fred a once-over while waiting her turn to pounce on his girlfriend. He was, truly, a cutie. Reminded her of journalism school in, like, a weirdly nice way.

"Heyyyyyy love the tie! Anyone want dranks? Apparently we can text and get dranks!" Getting the VIP treatment in this room! She knew Xena's answer, but tried to not look like she knew Xena's answer? Her gaze mostly flitted between Harper and Freddo.

Hugs were absolutely accepted, with Harper giving Xena and Bree both a light squeeze around their back before letting go. Introductions were made and everyone looked so nice!

She giggled at Xena's comments first and thanked her, providing much of the same comments in return before looking over at Bree.

"Hell yes! Oop, but I'm driving, so I'll stick to one. One drank please." She giggled. Could always take a cab later if it was a problem but she preferred not to!

Fred returned the hugs with all the dexterity of a man who didn't hug much. But he could appreciate them. The compliments rolled off his back and were greeted with a small chuckle and shrug. He was less susceptible to them when they came from people he didn't know. Years of living in LA around people all too willing to compliment every aspect of him after the game's release had built up an immunity of sorts. He knew these two weren't buttering him up for anything! Still. Old habits.

Was he...expected to return a compliment of his own? Think, brain. Think! He could only think of compliments for Harper to pile alongside the others' compliments for Harper! Like how pretty she was and how dating her made him feel very nice!

He was still racking his brain when Bree offered an out, which he grasped while his hand grasped the tie that had just been pointed out. "Erm. Whatever amber they have on tap?"

Should he...sit in a beanbag chair?

They all exchanged some lovin, Fred seemed a little stiff with it but hey, he tried. Definitely a dork, more British than expected!

On to dranks! Luckily Harper set her up with an easy out, "Same, none for me." She drew a tear down her cheek with her finger then smiled to Bree. "Thanks though babe."

Then she went back to sit on one of the beanbags. Gather round friends!

Xena got a cheeky lil smile back. Like a 'I gotchu later, bae' kind of smile. If they'd established that type of smile by now. Secret language neck foreplay expressions between GIRLFRIENDS nothing to see here!

She tapped away, sending a brief order by text to the employee who'd hooked them up. Fred would get his amber, Harper would get her request, Bree would get...an Irish coffee! Because she had no intention of nodding off after this double date. Her sleep schedule was hilariously fucked and she LIKED IT.

PLUNK onto the beanbag chair nearest Xena.

"What are we starting with?" She rubbed her hands together with glee. "We going cutthroat? Co-op? Secret traitor?"

Harper's drank of choice? Just a small cider. Something she would certainly let Bree know as she placed their orders. She smiled reassuringly at Fred who seemed a little nervous then, uh, sat down in a bean bag, which felt incredibly silly to do in her outfit but it was game night! She placed her bag on the floor and leaned forward a little.

Harper giggled at the options Bree laid out for them and nodded.

"I'm up for anything!" Really! Harper was just so glad to be here with her boyfriend and friends eeeee!!

Privately, Fred hoped for a secret traitor game. Only one of the other people here knew him well. To the others, he was an enigma. A little Welsh lad with a mysterious past and a confusing accent. He could play that up. He was good at games. He could win. Think how impressed Harper would be! Harper's smile helped him feel even more sure of himself. Harper's skirt was very nice.

He folded himself into the fourth beanbag, limbs pretzeling in trying to accommodate a seat he wasn't used to. He wouldn't say it wasn't fun, though. It reminded him of building forts as a kid.

Expectant gaze settled on Xena and Bree, who were seemingly their ringleaders of fun tonight.

Ohohoh >:)

Everyone claimed a beanbag, seated around the table ready to game. It was perfect. Glorious even. Xena was like, a mastermind.

"One sec," she flashed a smile to the group and turned to where she'd placed her backpack. She fumbled to lift it then wriggled to sit it on her lap. She hugged it tight, dropping her chin over the top like a little troll with treasure.

"How does everyone feel about dungeons and dragons?" She looked between her new friends, then to Bree. Winked ;)

Don't think she didn't clock that sneaky little eye gleam, Fred. Bro was definitely a secret shark. Bro definitely went to the racetrack on weekends.

Of course, all this sussing out of the strange dood made her wildly miss the signs that Xena had something up her sleeve. Nope, Bree fell like a derp-ass fly into a sexy-ass spider's web.

She turned to her GIRLFRIEND, blinking. Like...did she hear right?

But yup. There was the game (she shoulda known something was up when Xena didn't let her look at the games she'd brought), and there was the cheekiest of smiles and the cheekiest of winks. G.I.R.L. Bree'd never dungeoned no dragon! Had she been kinda curious? SUUUUURE. Had she mentioned as much to Xena one day, like, months ago? PROBABLY.

Oh god she was as excited as she was terrified what the fuck.

"Uhhhhh..." Eyes wide and fixed on corebook. It looked chonky.

"Yo I'm so fucking down but please don't kill me for knowing none of the rules."

Seems like Xena had a plan!

Which was!

Dungeons and Dragons?!

Harper grinned.

"You would." She chuckled and nodded her head, glancing sideways at both Bree and Fred before taking in that hefty-looking book??

She was excited and nervous!!!!!

"I know next to nothing about this game as well." Did Fred know? He probably knew!

Fred knew. Fred knew a lot. Fred may or may not have been the studio's DM during Malteser crunch. Everyone needed to unwind, and it turned out beating on a Beholder was an effective way of doing that.

Fred had no intention of letting everyone else know how much he knew. He glanced at Harper and Bree and tried to mirror their wide-eyed expressions.

"Oh...Christ! Erm. I means. I've played some but not for a bit."

This year, in fact. He'd played this very year. And played Baldur's Gate this very week. And regularly corresponded with the old group when they needed encounter ideas.

"Down to give it a go, though. Sure! Why not?"

Tiefling rogue or Aasimar cleric? Hm...

Unless they needed a DM. Well...he could...No prep? Tall order. But he could.

Xe unzipped the backpack to reveal the sacred texts. The dungeons and dragons 5e players handbook, shiny and crisp and yet to be cracked open. She'd bought it a while ago for the vibes, to have something cool on her shelf. Now she had the perfect opportunity to actually play: other players and a beautiful sexy creative GIRLFRIEND who could improv like a pro and would freak it for her. Please :3

Seeing Fred face to face, he could probably freak it too. This guy definitely LARPS. But her original plan was sooo much more fun and romantic.

She laughed when Harper called her out, grinning at their own little inside joke. Smiled when Fred said he'd played some, clocked him good. And then to Bree, sweet Bree.

"It's fine, you get to make up the rules cause yerrrr the dm," she pulled the book out of the bag all the way and plopped it on her GIRLFRIEND's lap. "It's like writing, like you make up the world and tell us what to do and we roll some dice and you tell us if we won." At least that's how her dad had always done it :D

Oh.

Oh so it was like THAT.

Her gasp of disbelief as the pieces fell into place became a grunted oof as her sneak-ass GIRLFRIEND yeeted a honkin' nerdbook onto her lap. Trickery. TRICKERY. She'd been bamboozled by the beautiful vampire lady god DAMN IT, BREE. But classic tho. It was very on brand for her. And in classic Bree fashion, of COURSE she was gonna dive headfirst into dm-ing a game she didn't know. Of COURSE she was gonna throw herself into this like a flailing air dancer, all unearned confidence.

It was tempting to ask Xena to keep selling her on it, tho. The pitch was very compelling and Xena looked very hot while she was being persuade-y. Without even realizing, Bree was leaning forward. Like yeeeeeah talk me into it...

"You sonofabitch, I'm in." She smacked the book and it made a noice thudding sound. Promising.

Deep breath. "OKAY FUCKERS YOU WAKE UP CHAINED TO THE WALLS INSIDE AN ACTIVE VOLCANO. WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?"

Ooooooh the drinks were here! That and the character descriptions gave her time to pull more stuff out of her ass. She would slurp her irish coffee and plot in this beanbag chair mhmm.

Huh! Harper had just expected this to be more Fred's style for sure. Maybe she'd read that wrong about him. Look at Fred surprising her still! She just assumed he'd have been an expert at it.

But oh! Xena had another surprise apparently! Bree was the deem? DM? Probably the second one, Harp.

But Bree was in which made this all the more fun! Harper laughed, as she turned to all of them and declared the setting.

What had Xena mentioned at the bookstore? A barbarian?

"I'm a, uhh, barbarian named Barbara and I'm wearing a very uh appropriate armour for being inside an active volcano!!! It's made out of volcanic rock!" Yes, she practically yelled it. Yes, she definitely nailed it.

But...

Were they not rolling up PCs? What were their starting levels? What were their stats? How did they meet? Were they in the Moonshae Isles (it would make sense if this was a volcano that formed land mass) or the Orsraun Mountains? DID HE HAVE WEAPONS? WHO EVEN BLOODY WAS HE???

Harper jumped right in, no questions. Which shocked him! Did no one need qualifiers? Don't be an arse, Fred! Just say something, Fred!

One thing he knew for bloody sure: this party, whatever it was, was going to need a healer.

"I'm an Aasimar cleric named Biscuit, follower of Lathander, wearing medium scale mail with a shield strapped to my back and I'm small with frosted tips!" Where. Where did any of that come from.

What the christ was volcanic rock armor? Did they have access to that???

Coy blink fluttering eyelashes uwu please Bree YEEEEESSSSS. Xena swung her knees back and forth and "EEEE"ed, vibrating with energy. Huge thanks would be given later, would Bree accept kisses? Probably. She was getting lots of those later.

Harper beat her to barbarian, how dare she, and Xena gave snaps as a response to the description. Very wise, very cool, very well fleshed out. They were obviously all naturals at this. Then Fred and his angel of the morninglord, Biscuit. "Frosted tips" earned a laugh and a quiet echo to herself, and then eyes were on her. Actually they were on the person bringing the drinks, to whom Xena gave a big "Thank you so much!" even if none of the drinks were for her.

Once everyone had their shit she settled in, "I'm a tiefling sorcerer named Blaze, cuz we have a B theme going on, and I'm super hot and sexy, wearing a slutty little dress and I'm like showered in rubies and fiery gemstones. Like imagining those knight cowls but its just rubies," she grinned at Bree. "And since I'm a tiefling and like I'm from the hells I'm resistant to fire so I'm super unbothered by the volcano."

If she'd had any lingering doubts about cold-running a DnD one shot, the look on Xena's face stomped 'em right out of existence. Worth. So worth, to see her face light up like that.

Everyone latched on to her ridiculous premise with admirable enthusiasm. Like. Not a single word of a challenge? So many 'yes ANDs!' Made her even more stoked to get even more weird for these people. And there was plenty--PLENTY--more weird to be had.

She murmured a quick thanks to the server and took a swig of her drink as she listened to the others' contributions. Harper's made her snort with laughter, Fred's solidified his place as the person in the group who slept with corebooks under his pillow, and Xena Xena's character was fuckin' hot. Um. And very easy to imagine. Nay, a pleasure to imagine.

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

"Barbara. Biscuit. Blaze. Three legends are born today," she intoned, rallying to seriousness. "Okay, Barbara and Blaze are so prepared for this volcano. Like. It HURTS how prepared they are. Biscuit, let's get...uhhh...a constitution thing from you to see if you burn alive immediately. The other two, your wrists are chained to the wall and there's a padlock thingy. The jailer's shit is on the other side of a lava pit. Maybe there's some shit in that shit."

She waved her hands. Theatrics! "Oh! And laaaaaava bubbles. Could be something lurking under the surface so you better be fast...WooOOOOOooooooo!"

Woah, look at Fred coming out of left field with the frosted tips! Harper giggled, pressing a hand to her mouth to stifle it as she wondered what the heck a Lathander was.

Drinks were brought and Harper also thanked the server and took a swig of her own drink to prepare herself for this experience.

Xena, holy hell woman! Harper snapped her fingers and turned back to Bree, grinning madly.

Bree provided more for their adventure and it all had Harper cackling. God. This was chaos already. She loved it.

"Do we need dice to uhhh see if we can break out?" Was that a thing? She glanced at Xena and Fred too here. Also Fred's character might die AHHHHH. They were chained to a wall with a key likely out of reach with lava in between them and their freedom. HMMMM.