Hawknell Some see a pen, I see a harpoon
#1
When he’d finally started reaching some kind of balance, Emmett had been tossed right back to square one. He didn’t like feeling like this. And yet here he was, yet again but this time with pain shooting out from elsewhere. After finding Cliff shifted, after being snapped at for simply trying to help, at being told Indra was dead without proof, Emmett felt like he’d been thrown into a liferaft without so much as a thought to be careful. Distance grew again as he found himself moodily avoiding contact with any of the bears if possible.

But, as with any time he got into these sorts of moods, eventually the wind shifted and Emmett felt like the pressure on his chest, and the bomb threatening to explode at a simple misplaced word, backed off just enough to feel like talking some things out with Locke. Maybe, it’d help? Taking advantage of the brief reprieve, he moved from the microwave and its holy grail of finished bubbling mac and cheese and made his way over to his brother’s room.

Without any pretense, he opened it up and closed the door with a notable solid thud. Avoiding eye contact, Emmett stepped over to the bed, sitting, and then all but shuffling himself to the corner made by the frame and wall. Quickly swirling the contents of the still hot plastic bowl, he lifted up a spoonful and shoved it into his mouth. ”Hi or whatever,” he tried for, but it came out garbled between noodles and cheese.
#2
Locke had his desktop open to youtube, an hour into watching internet drama for subcultures he was neither part of nor had any interest in...aside from the drama. Obviously.

He'd been content to remain for another hour, settled into the well-worn office chair and with half a bag of pretzel bites within reach. The sound of Emmett puttering around was comforting as well, even if the big rain cloud over Emmett's head was beginning to creep over Locke's.

The twins had a quiet understanding between them and that was why Locke didn't react all that much to Emmett suddenly plopping down on the bed with a mouth full of microwaved cheese.

"You better not get any of that on my bed." Locke said, spinning around in his chair with hands steepled together like an 80s spy movie villain.

A few beats of silence before he lifted an eyebrow in question. "What?"
#3
The chair swiveled to reveal his brother, a video in the back illuminating a halo around him as he looked right out of a movie with the whole pose. Leave it to Locke to go for humor even when Emmett personally wasn’t feeling it. He’d be doing it in his place if their roles were switched for sure.

Emmett rolled his eyes some, grunting in agreement. No food on bed, got it. It really only took another moment or so for him to be pried into a conversation which was why he was here to begin with, but Emmett felt a familiar want to pull his walls all over again. That wasn’t productive!

So, pushing through it, he ultimately sighed, shoulders getting in with it and everything.

The spoon was placed back into its bowl.

”I dunno how to start…. I just thought… I wanna talk about things, but it's confusing.”
#4
For being the same size, Emmett looked tiny on the bed. Curled forward, around his bowl, as if he was still bracing for something to come.

Locke's toes dug into the carpet and he used that leverage to pull his chair a little closer. His bravado was fading in the face of his own brother's hurt. And although he could, Locke stopped himself from getting too close. The best person to get Emmett to open up was their mom, then Grammie, and then Locke.

He inhaled and leveled his eyes to Emmett's browline. "Okay... we can talk. Just start anywhere you want and I won't stop you."
#5
Okay, eye contact. He looked back, really just wishing the whole tangled mess in his brain could just be explained through that. It was 2022, why didn’t they have the technology yet?

Permission was granted and Emmett looked off to the comforter, following the veins of shadows of it being clumped up around him. Inhaling, his thoughts came into an order, haphazard, yes, but one all the same and then pushed out like a balloon.

”So, it's just a lot. Ever since fight night, things have been stupid.” Emmett looked up, face pinched, bear agitated as it flicked ears and shook itself. ”I feel like a burden to the group. I had to have my own bear shoved into a box and I don’t know if you’ve ever had that happen before, but it fucking sucks. It’s like someone put a clamp on your mouth, but it's your whole body and you badly wanna rip it off, but you can’t so you’re just left there feeling like you’re going to explode and you’re so tired so you can’t even do that.”

The bowl was placed in between his legs as they crossed so Emmett could gesture with arms, his whole body, as he went.

”And Cliff and I talked about getting stronger and stuff, but the bear mojo words didn’t make sense and then I talked to Abraham who’s one of his friends and it helped some, y’know? To figure out how I might be able to work on getting stronger and I thought about asking to be a soldier, but then that stuff with Indra happened and seeing Cliff suddenly shifted was wrong. It felt wrong. And when he was human again, I tried to offer an idea of what to do before he jumped further into panic and he only snapped at me. And then, Natahsa also got mad at me and I’m suddenly not allowed to get space and do something my way? Like?”

It didn’t make sense.

”I’m told I’m not a burden, I’m not a child and then I’m treated like one and I feel like I’m going crazy, but I can’t stand even going to work because I’m going to snap.” He inhaled heavily, letting it exhale out loudly and heated. ”I’m so frustrated with everything.”

And there it all was in a giant jumble of thoughts that had been smashed upon each other, one after the other over months. It was a giant monologue, but it was the only way.
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