Yellow Pages Veterans
Do you have any cool gross stories about people you heal?

She was blitzed out of her mind but that was alright because it just made her friendly!
My friend Grace,
Hello! It is so nice to hear from you. A real treat, I must say. I hope the summer heat is being kind to you. I'm finding the early mornings qui
te pleasant.

As to your pondering, there are a great many tales even in my short tenure as a miracle worker. I count myself fortunate that I have a strong stomac
h, because while largely internal injuries such as yours don't provide much of a show, it can be a very different story with more flagrant wounds. I recall a ge
ntleman in Stratford-upon-Avon. I came upon him in a bad way, the poor fellow bleeding out in an alley. And it's a lovely town, hardly where one ought expect th
is manner of barbarity. Yet here it was. He had some dreadful lacerations along one arm and his chest. Quite deep. Watching the flesh knit itself together was a
n experience, let me tell you.

Additionally, if I may take a little more of your time, there was the occasion in which a dear friend took a rather bad tumble and
had one of their forearm bones broken and jutting from the skin. I don't recall which, or even their names just now. It's kind of thrilling, I must confess, being so on the front lines of medical emerg
encies without any of the ordinarily requisite training and education. I muddle through as best I can. At any rate, it was not so simple a matter of letting the
magic do its work, so I found myself somewhat clumsily shoving the protruding bone back into place before I could get it to reattach properly, the meat and ski
n grow back over. A harrowing experience for my poor mate, I'm sure, but all was well in the end.

There are boundaries, of course. I am constrained by the limits
of what I suppose are the cell's natural regenerative capabilities. I cannot regrow a human limb, for instance, though I suspect I could do as much for a seast
ar or certain lizard species. I've not had much opportunity to experiment there. Or anywhere truly, as the only learning experiences are those that come up orga
nically. It does leave me wondering some about other circumstances. If a man endured a bad motorcycle crash or the like and had some tattooed skin removed, woul
d my healing have fresh, unblemished skin grow in its place? I suspect as much, but I don't know as I'm hardly about to go around seeking—or good gracious, engi
neering—opportunities to explore these possibilities. I think it's good to have some mystery in life anyway.

I do hope this sates your curiosity, but as ever I'm
open to any questions you might have. Hoping you are in good health! Until we meet again.
It was a bit before she heard back, and it was two messages in when she caught it. My friend Grace! How fucking nice was that. She read and-

Oh, a third. Long fucking typer. Recalled a man at Statford-Upon-Avon? What was-

There was another. They began to ding in faster than she could read them, and she barked out a laugh. This fucking old guy. The most incredible part was that she didn't spot a single fucking typo? Even Grace couldn't send a goddamn text message without fucking it up and he'd written a great American novel. She was stunned. Delighted even. Honestly, the stories weren't that crazy. Bone coming out of arm was nuts and jamming it back in was gnarlz. But really, this was all about dat goddamn text.

She did her best to kind of mimic his style but it wasn't very natural. She sent them as she wrote them rather than all at once because that's who she was.

Dear William,
Thanks for the detailed reply. I've never seen anyone send such a long text message in my life but it'd legit.

It's. Shit. Already fucked it up.

Bones poking out of arms is nuts and it's legit ad hell that you just shoved it back in. I actually met another healer recently but she's a bat vampire bat

Check 'em out, Willy boy. Emojis.

If I ever get a tattoo and road rash it off we can totally test it though

Nailed it!
Oh hoh. Another healing vampire. One who was less reserved about it as well, it seemed. He felt it unlikely Grace had simply ferreted out this information; he liked her more than a little, but she wasn't what he'd call the cleverest of young ladies.

He took his time composing anew, seeing nothing in her replies that should discourage it.

Young Grace,
I'm pleased that you found something enjoyable in my correspondence. Delighted, even! It remains a great joy for me to write you and receive your el
ectronic letters. I don't yet know many locals and I find it wonderfully diverting to pass my time with you in such communication.

Ha! I do enjoy your wit. I fee
l I must pause here to caution against taking up motorbiking. I understand the appeal, certainly. The whipping wind in your hair, your young sense of immortalit
y. It can be intoxicating, I know. I do recall. But the way people drive these days, my heavens! I do not recommend this at all. Just in case you were consideri
ng it in earnest. All the same, I shall of course make myself available for any use you may have of me. Such a waste of a gift if it is not exercised, hmm?

As to
the other you encountered, how exciting! I hadn't realized vampires could share in these abilities. Honestly I'm not quite certain how to feel about it. I've n
ot personally encountered any that I'm aware of. Didn't you warn me about them when we first met? I do hope you're taking care.

Thank you again for writing! Such
a dear.

He did not include any emoji.
It was a lot, William. It was a lot to read. Old people were so goddamn lonely.

Good news for both of us is that motorcycles cost $$$ I don't have
Vamps are bullshit since they have the same powers but get more?? Like psychics on stereroids or whatever
P.s. how long does it take you to type everything
She did make him chuckle, and he so enjoyed that. Psychics on steroids indeed. And a post script! How wonderful!

My dearest Grace,
How fascinating! I am thankful to have access to your insights and observations. It does seem you get out and about a great deal more than I ma
nage. I think I shall have to take your advice to heart and simply avoid our befanged brethren. Contrary to what I may have suggested to you the night we met, I
Heh. Suggested.

am not actually all that feisty. And would likely feel compelled to repair any damage I managed to inflict in any case. Haha!

As for my electronic compositions,
I do take my time. I actually use a larger keyboard that connects to my phone by some charming little technology known as bluetooth. I'm sure you've heard of i
t, smart girl that you are. I really feel as though the word should be hyphenated, but I suppose these marketing professionals know what they're about and don't
need some stodgy old man telling them what's what. Haha! In any case, i don't type terribly quickly even so, and do carefully proofread before sending. Anythin
g worth doing is worth doing well, yes? I've always thought so. Can you imagine if I didn't take my time with the healing? "That seems good enough, off you go!"
Why I mightn't have even caught the concussion and just undone the bruises. How shameful that would have been.

Speaking of such matters, though, have you made a
ny progress toward compiling a contact list of local psychics? I certainly don't mean to pressure you, but it would be so lovely to have others I could be open
and honest with without feeling as though I were risking ending up in a laboratory somewhere. You may think me overly cautious, and that would be a fair assessm
ent. But I confess I am rather set in my ways at this point, crotchety old duffer that I am. Haha!

Ever delighted to count myself your friend.
Fuck. He said so much. It made Grace feel like she had ADHD.

It was this weird balance of like. If she read his messages, they kind of sounded condescending? But if she read them as him just being a sweet old man, it was fine.

Bluetooth keyboard though, sheeeeet.

She read through it all like twice more to figure out the prompts she needed to reply to. It was like a school assignment and she'd always been shit at those.

Don't do lists of psychics. That dangerous in case someone yoinks your phone from you
If you want we could chill when I'm not concussed and your not tired and maybe figure out some pals for ya

Wanted: Old psychics? Did any of those exist?
Oh, now that was clever. However personally inconvenient he found this stance, William found no trouble respecting it, and the girl that little bit more.

My sweet friend,
Why should anyone ever wish to rob me of my mobile? They're quite common place in this day and age. But I applaud your caution all the same and
shall adhere to your good advice. I'd be mortified to have put others in harm's way through some silly blunder.

Regarding a future meetup, that sounds lovely. I
would like very much to chill with you sometime. I understand there's a recently refurbished theatre not far from where we met. Perhaps you'd like to see a show
with me some evening? I do so love stage productions. I've been thinking about looking into their audition schedule, perhaps find myself onstage in some months
! How exciting, wouldn't you say? Yes, I think it would be quite a thrill

As ever, I look forward to hearing from you.

He really couldn't afford to leave the time and place up to her. It may quickly grow suspicious if he continually rejected her every daytime meeting suggestion.
Hey look, buddy. Your messages were shortening. She was teaching you. Grasshopper becoming the sensei or whatever. Plus, he used "chill." Gotcha, bitch.

You're born to play in Shakespere
If you find a show I'll go as long as I don't have to do a reflection essay or something after
She did put warm—metaphorically speaking—little smiles on his face. He did enjoy Shakespeare quite a lot, performing or otherwise. Not so rabidly as to point out the misspelling. Perhaps it was a simple typo. He suspected otherwise.

Further chuckles at her apparent fear that he'd try and assign homework. There was only one piece of writing she could produce that he'd take keen interest in, and she'd already expressed that she avoided doing so.

Dear Grace,
Am I that transparent? I must confess I do carry a great fondness for my namesake's work. I know it can be difficult to comprehend at first listen, b
He was not in fact named for William Shakespeare, but it made a better story to claim otherwise.

ut it carries such relatable themes once one gets past that. Characters are flawed and emotion-driven and so deeply human. His tragedies encourage empathy and g
ive us an easy means of reflecting upon our own viewpoints and the impacts we have upon each other, while his comedies provide ample opportunity to laugh at the
absurdities we all get up to from time to time. Yes, I am a great fan.

But I've actually found another, more readily comprehensible show I think you may enjoy.
Does this coming Thursday work for you? Curtain is at eight thirty in the evening. There's a similarly timed show the following night if that works better, but
I don't wish to tread upon, oh, traditional party times or what have you. Do let me know.

It would be close, giving him perhaps ten minutes to arrive. He'd have to prepare an apology for that, but it should be manageable. It was not so great a distance as the swan flies.
His namesake. Holy fuck. Grace hadn't even been considering the whole "William" thing. This guy!

He praised Shakespeare and all that but like. Didn't Game of Thrones do the same shit? Comedy. Drama. Tits. Lots of people dying! Basically Shakespeare.

That works
What show is it?

Had he already said that? She dug through his texts again but it was too late now.
He'd had his fun, and certainly would again. But there came a point where pragmatism must win out over theatricality.

The Crucible
Hey I got to play a Puriten extra in that once
Sign me up what's this theater called and I'll see you then
Oh dear. This was the sort of tidbit that put him in very serious danger of growing immensely fond of the rambunctious child.

Summit Theatre

It was actually listed as Summit Theater, but William refused. Which was its own sort of ironic.
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