Alder Heights Rot in Love [NSFW]
#51
Her suggestion took him by such surprise that he wasn’t sure he’d heard her correctly. But he had, and immediately felt a pinch to his dead heart. Or maybe it was his pride! But it hurt all the same, and he leaned back some, frowning deeply.

"Date them?" A bid for clarification, or maybe correction. Maybe she’d misspoken. Maybe she was teasing him. He didn’t find it a particularly funny joke.
#52
Alright, yes, she could have been a little more gentle. But she didn't let him lean too far away, scooting over the sheets so that they didn't lose distance. "Before I was turned," Well, even after, but irrelevant, "I had a... friend with benefits, who was in a long term relationship." It was easier to anonymize it all, no need to complicate with too many details here.

"They were in an open relationship. So, her boyfriend knew about her dating around, and was alright with it." Her tone was very purposeful here, crafted in a way that was not at all meant to goad him or guilt him into agreeing just because someone else was alright with it. It was just a simple explanation, laying out the possibility of such a dynamic before even fully proposing it. Her main concern here was clear communication. The last thing she wanted was for this to turn into an argument. If he shut it down immediately, then she would be alright with it.
#53
She chased him across that short distance, keeping open whatever door he might be trying to close himself behind. Giving him an explanation, a story, sharing something that had been shared with her, years ago now. An open relationship.

Jealousy clawed at him, even with her right here, with no one else in the room. The idea of her laying with someone like this put knots in his dead muscles. He couldn't stand it.

Where had this come from? Right - he knew. This was rooted in her loneliness. And he had no small part in that.

Lazarus stayed very still, and very quiet, holding her gaze.

"What if you decide you love one of 'em more than me," he asked, voice low, painfully vulnerable.
#54
She was quiet as she let him mull it over, her heart clenched in a tight fist of anxiety. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. She was just trying to find something that felt right for her, but if it didn't feel right for him, she'd happily never bring it up again.

His question threatened to break her heart. Safiya leaned in to cup his face in her palms, her thumbs arching feather light over his cheek bones. Her brows drew together, and she met his eye firmly as she shook her head. "That's impossible." She promised. "I haven't ever loved someone like I love you. I can't, and I won't ever." She truly, deeply believed it. There wasn't anyone else in the world whom she could feel this connected to. Not in the way that they were. There was no replicating the specific journey of self discovery they'd been on together.

"There's no one on earth that can replace you, baby. I don't want you to feel like I'm trying to do that. And I also don't want you to feel like you can't say no." She wouldn't regret asking, because it was better to be clear and honest than simply stow away feelings and desires without answer. She'd rather him outright tell her no than never ask, so she wouldn't waste energy wondering.
#55
There was an ebb and flow between them. A softness that Lazarus could inhabit in her company alone. Where her hands held his face, he melted a little. Her words were like hands, too, trying to massage the tension out of him. Soft, but solid, touching things he hadn't really known existed. Trying to reassure him, to soothe him. It worked, to a degree; but it still stood that she had brought it up at all, that she was so utterly lonely when he was gone for such long stretches of time. Lazarus of all people ought to know that the promise of eternity could not grant eternal patience.

He could say no, and she would be in the same place. He could say yes, and he would hate it, but she would be happier. And that... felt like a worthy sacrifice.

His face turned some in her hands, kissing a palm, holding it against his skin. Quiet, for many seconds, as he turned these thoughts over in his mind, gaze resting somewhere over her shoulder.

"I want to keep you happy. I want you to... do things that'll make you happy. So. I reckon... I don't mind givin' it a shot."

He did. He did mind, he hated it. But there was a seed of comfort in it, in knowing that he could ask her to put an end to it all and she would. Probably.
#56
She waited as he thought, and forced herself not to decide which answer she wanted to hear from him. Yes or no, it didn’t matter, as long as it was his honest one.

Her heart surged then sank in an instant as he spoke the words that he thought she’d want to hear. It made her sickeningly happy that he would agree to anything so long as it made her happy, even if it made him miserable in turn. Oh, she loved him so, so much. Her soft, sorrowful man. He guarded his heart too fiercely, even from her, even still. But he knew better than to think she couldn’t push past all of his defenses.

Safi smiled softly, sweetly, a little sadly. Her fingers trailed his temple, picking a stray rose petal from the hair that brushed his forehead. She shifted so that she was in his eye line again. “You do.” She said gently, not angry that he’d lied. “Don’t spare my feelings, if it means you’re sacrificing yours. I want you happy, too.” She wished there was a way to make him never doubt that.
#57
She called him on it in a heartbeat, something he should have known to expect. She captured his gaze again, and he met her with a crumpled frown. She'd brought it up to him, even with such gentleness, and then pressed him to deny her. Lazarus didn't know where to go. Had it been a trick question? Paranoia threatened him.

He strained away from such a mental spiral. He could see this going on until the sunrise knocked him unconscious mid-sentence, the two of them going back and forth - No, I want you to be happy!

"Safiya," he said, voice balancing something between sternness and affection. "No. I don't... love it. But I don't love leavin' you lonely, either. So if you come across someone who can keep your mind occupied, then. Just do it."

And don't tell him about it. But he couldn't figure out a gentle way to say that.
#58
Her heart clenched as he spoke her name, a jumbled mix of worry about his feelings and pride that he was willing to share them. He doubled down on giving her the green light, even if it meant he wasn’t entirely happy.

Was he being selfless, or was she being selfish? It was hard to decide.

“It can go both ways, too, you know.” She said with a small jump of her eyebrows, searching for some levity out of the somber mood, “If you find a cute college girl,” She shrugged. Surely spending every night alone in his dorm was miserable. But then again, he liked being miserable way too much.
#59
She didn't argue; instead, she teased, eyebrows waggling at him. He huffed, feigning annoyance, and reached to wrap his arm over her, and then the other under her, pulling her into his chest and squeezing her tight.

The prospect of leaving was even harder, now. Knowing that he would be a couple of hours away, and she might be bringing some dapper young man to bed. It was easier to think of her with a woman, in a way, and he did not have the awareness to think about what that said about him! But he would lean into that - yeah, maybe she was just. "Dating" women.

Still. It was someone in his spot. He was irreplaceable, she told him, but it still sat like a pill in his throat.

For now, at least, and in the future, when he was with her, she would be with him. And that counted for something.
#60
He took it as a joke, but she was serious. But she didn’t press it, figuring if he made the decision to explore, it didn’t have to be something she was involved in.

She hummed contentedly as he dragged her closer, snuggling against him and turning into a Safiya shaped pillow for him to cuddle. If she could stop time and make this their eternity, it would all be so much easier. But time didn’t stop for them, and soon the world would tug them back out in different directions. And she was so, so grateful to know that while he was off riding his own tide, she did not have to be adrift.

“I love you.” She vowed to him, more sure of it now more than ever before.
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