Spider Books Definitely Not Cats

Fit Check

The start to any good date was a lie, right?

Asher was sooooo against cats, and Alice was 99.99% sure that this was all because he hadn't spent a good amount of quality time with one. Poor Jiji hadn't gotten the chance to meet Asher, and Asher had tragically hadn't had the chance to fall in love with Jiji like she had.

It had been three? Four? Five? A few years since she had lost Jiji and she was soooo ready for a new cat, and Goblin needed a baby brother or sister. The only thing stopping this much needed change was that Asher was adamant that they didn't need a cat, and that he did NOT like them.

And that just wouldn't do.

So luring Asher out with the promise of comic books, and fun giveaways, Alice toted him out to the not so new cat bookstore that she'd been foaming at the mouth to visit.

Sure it was in vamp territory but she was pretty sure they were still chill enough with Beauregard that their presence wouldn't really bother anything, and if it did... Alice was great with words!

With a sly grin towards her mate, Alice's hand pushed against the door.


One cat in a bookstore didn’t raise many alarm bells. He saw the black feline lounging in the window, and figured it was just the owner’s cat, because some people loved their cats so much they took them to work with them. Those people were crazy.

Two cats in a bookstore just reinforced the idea that the owners were a little bit too obsessed. The tabby that ran across their paths as they entered made him frown a little. Alice would love it here, at least.

Three cats in a bookstore made him draw up short. Look around a little more.

There were cats. Literally everywhere in here.

She. Was. In. Love!!!!!

Already her hands were getting that weird achy feeling that they always got when cute cuddly animals surrounded her. The irresistible need to just sink her hands into their fur and scritch them all over.

"Asheeeerrrrr" She sang back, not even sparing him a glance as she skipped over to the cute Calico that was perched in a nearby chair.
Asher did not move, crossing his arms in protest as Alice flounced away. Absolutely not.

“Cute.” He said dryly. “Now you can come here when you want to pet a cat.” Because these cats definitely were staying here. They were probably all the owner’s cats, anyway. Some crazy cat grandma.

It smelled like litter box in here. :[
Already knelt down and running a hand through the pretty ladies fur, Alice's eyes rolled for Asher's lack of enthusiasm.

"Asher Lindsey, get your ass over here and fall in love with one of these babies."

Why did he have to go and make everything so damn difficult.
Asher had been tricked. Hoodwinked. Outright bamboozled.

He was not happy about it.

But he did as he was asked, at least half way. He would not be falling in love with a single animal here. But he dragged his feet closer, and stared down at the cat.

“So, what this is like an animal shelter?”
Reaching up with her free hand, Alice would tug at Asher's arm, insisting that he kneel down next to her in front of the now purring lump of fur.

"Awful lot of books to be a shelter." she hummed, "though I do think I read that the cats are available for adoption."
”Oh you think, huh?” He grumped. She was insistent, so he squatted down, but looked more at her than the cat.

He wasn’t going to look at it >:(
"Uh-huh," she nodded, placing a quick kiss to the top of the calico's head before turning on her heels to face Asher.

"Stop being such a grump, I'm not saying we have to get a cat or anything, buuuut I think if you spent a little time around them." A finger pulled up to tap against the tip of his nose. "You wouldn't be so against them."
Oh, so this was about exposure therapy? He had a hard time believing this was just about him.

“It’s not like I’m against cats.” Asher protested, rocking back on his heels as he glanced at the cat in the chair. He didn’t hate cats. He did find them cute. But! “Just against owning one.”
Which was where her problem lies.

If being sweet wasn't winning him over, maybe guilt would?

"But Asher, you are half the reason that I don't have Jiji anymore." If he hadn't bit her then she would have never... Bit Jiji.

And consumed her...

"And I reallllly miss her." Pout pout.
Hey! What the hell. It wasn’t like he ever meant to turn her. And definitely didn’t force her to eat her own cat. And! He buried it for her. So why was he being guilt tripped years later?

Ugh. He knew she did truly mourn her cat. And felt guilty about it, too. But!

“Okay, I know you do.” He scowled, “But we have Goblin. Why do we need another animal?” Goblin was a perfect creature in every way. Why replace him?
Because Goblin wasn't a cat.

"I don't know." She sighed, pulling herself back up to her full height. "I love Goblin, and he's my baby, but its not the same as having a cat." She shrugged.

"Plus he's like the perfect size, and I can totally see him and a cat just playing around the house."
He stood with her, listening to her reasoning. It wasn’t much beyond “I want one.” But, the idea of Goblin playing with a cat did make him laugh.

“Are you sure he won’t just terrorize it? Or the other way around. He’s smaller than some of these cats.” He pointed at a fat tabby laying on the front counter.
Lips pressing together, blue eyes would take survey of the kitty candidates.

"Then we will just make sure that we get one that's about the same size." She reasoned, gaze halting on a Cheeto colored ball. "Like that," a jab of a finger in its direction before immediately shifting to a tuxedo that flew past. "Or that!"
Yeah, probably for the best that they were similar size. That way they could bully each other equally.

Wait- he wasn’t agreeing to anything! >:(

“Wait, that one is like his twin.” He pointed at the tuxedo, smirking despite himself, and moved to approach it as it found a cat tree to scramble up. Once it has picked a perch, he extended a fist for it to smell.

That’s what cats did, right?

It just stared at him.
Look at him getting all interested and cozy, the plan was working!

And wow, it was kinda like his twin wasn't it!

"Oh my God, it issss." She beamed, pulling closer as the cat booped its head against Asher's knuckle with a demand for pets. Hand reaching below the cats neck, she'd tug at the tag to see the name, "The Gentleman?"
Oh. It did like his fist. Neat.

He hadn’t even noticed the name tag.

“No way.” He snorted. The Gentleman. It worked, since it looked like the cat was in a little suite.

“Who names these cats?”
Releasing the tag with a shrug, Alice glanced around at the shelves as if any of them would hold the answer.

"Maybe they keep a random name generator up on their computer?" She suggested, "or they just open a book to random page and pick the first thing suitable there?"
He extended one finger to stroke the cat’s cheek as he listened, figuring it wouldn’t appreciate his typical “palm and wiggle” method he used for Goblin’s grapefruit head.

He laughed at the idea, then abandoned his tentative petting to grab for the nearest book.

Flipped to the middle.

“Rhysand?” Said like “rice-and”, and with a frown. What the fuck kind of name was that.
Alice would take Asher's place of pets as her brows furrowed.

"What the fuck kind of name is that?" A glance at the cover told her it was a fantasy and suddenly everything made sense. "Oh, fantasy." She nodded, "makes sense now."
Asher tsked, shutting the book without much more consideration. “The Gentleman’s better.” He concluded.

But there was a problem!

"What if someone adopts him and names him that stupid name Rhysand though?"
Here we go. He crossed his arms, stuck his heel on the toe of his shoe, and leaned a shoulder against a shelf. "Would you keep it, if you adopted him?"

"Obviously," she answered with a roll of her eyes "Though the 'The' is absolutely mandatory." She added, "it makes him seem sophisticated. "
Asher laughed, conceding to the terms with a duck of his head. "Of course. Only proper."

He peered at the cat again, whom had taken to settling down in a comfortable loaf.

"Are you sure, though? There's like fifty in here." A lot to choose from, and they'd only really seen a few.

When, exactly, had he gotten on board with this? Ugh.
Alice contemplated for only a moment, before nodding her head assuredly.

"How can we pass up on The Gentleman?"

Most importantly Goblins TWIN!!!
We. Ugh. Alright, he was on board.

Head shaking, he pushed off the shelf and came to give the cat another experimental pet on the head. "I guess we can't."
Fucking mission ACCOMPLISHED!!!!!!!

Grinning like the shark that she was, Alice skipped closer to Asher tugging him into her grip as she squeezed him tight.

"I fucking love you so much."
Okay, okayyyyy. It was worth it when she was happy.

Asher snorted a laugh through his nose as he wrapped a forearm around her middle and pulled her close. “You’re doing the fucking litter box, though.”

Smooch on the side of the head. It was the least she could do.
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